Date: 12th April 2006 at 3:44pm
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A fella hands over a £50 note to the turnstyle operator at St Andrews and says two please. The Turnstyle Operator asks ‘Will that be defenders or strikers, sir’?

Steve Bruce was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping. He stopped and asked, ‘Can you manage dear?’ to which the old lady replied, ‘no way you got yourself into this mess, don’t ask me to sort it out!’

Steve Bruce was seen this morning at A2B Taxis. Apparently he was trying to employ one of the drivers as his new goalkeeper. He had heard that they only let in four at the time!!

Steve Bruce is being sacked and his position is going to filled by a Chinese manager – Winwon Soon.

Q: What’s is the difference between Pamela Anderson and Maik Taylor?
A: Pam’s only got two tits in front of her.

The Fire brigade phones Steve Bruce in the early hours of Wednesday morning…
‘Mr Bruce sir, St Andrews is on fire!’
‘The cups man! Save the cups!’ cries Steve.
‘Uh, the fire hasn’t spread to the canteen yet, sir.’

Apparently, Steve Bruce offered to send the Blose squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they’d rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it’s like to ride on an open-top bus.

A man desperate at B-lose’s current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Blose kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Blose kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, ‘it’s to avoid embarrassing your family.’

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring B-lose. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

Rumour has it that B-lose have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

Steve Bruce was caught speeding on his way to the St Andrew’s today. When questioned he said, ‘I’ll do anything for 3 points’.

How many Blues fans does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’re all happy living in the shadows.

A Blues fan walks past a shop and sees the video ‘Birmingham City – The Glory Years’. He goes into the shop and asks how much. ‘£100’ says the shopkeeper. ‘That’s a bit steep, how come it’s so dear ??’ ‘Well its a tenner for the video and £90 for the Betamax recorder!!

What do you get if you see a Blues fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand.

A bloke goes into Birmingham Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor. ‘Christ, what’s happened here?’ he asks one of the ground crew. ‘Oh yeah…’, he replies ‘Absolutely hopeless …. we had the Blues players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad’.

 

14 Replies to “Blues Jokes”

  • Just proves who’s the real Joke in this City. If your’e gonna take the ***** please try and be original. Try saying ‘They’re just an honest bunch of lads”. That makes everybody laugh

  • Not too keen on the old banter then Big Al? This is what makes football tick in my opinion and at the end of the day, none of us Midlands footie fans have a great deal to shout about at the moment.

  • What have Michael Jackson and Maik Taylor got in common?
    They both where gloves for no reason!

  • The biggest joke is surely the club itself. An embarrassment to this great city of ours. They’re a laugh a minute.

  • Sorry whoever wrote this article but cummon admit it, theyre pretty ***** jokes. Cliched jokes and the club name changed to blues? Cummon, i know you’re obviously a simpleton supporting the villa but you can do better. Just think first.. then try harder!

  • yep you certainly hit a nerve..do you think Bruce will print this out and pin it up in the dressing room to motivate his players 😉 Come on guys relax!

  • publess simpleton I rest my case. Oh, and even in the old 3rd div we were getting record attendances.

  • Can’t be accused of not having balance either, we’ve an interview with Tom Ross and a poll saying that the Villa fans aren’t confident of a win! And yes Dan, the jokes are rubbish, pretty much like Midlands football at the moment!

  • I think that our good friends and neighbours across this great city of ours, are just a teeny bit uptight. Comes no doubt from worry accompanied by sleepless nights, fraught nerves and the realisation that they are knock, knock knocking on relegations doo

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