Date: 29th October 2015 at 9:13am
Written by:

Dear Randy,

I’d like to apply for the position of football analyst or whatever you call him currently occupied by Paddy Riley and the sporting director (whatever that is, it`s football we are meant to be playing) Hendrik Almstadt.

Not only am I more qualified than him in my knowledge of the English game, I am also better than him on Fifa and I too can sign unknown foreign players with good stats provided to me by the above application as proven by my record of taking Accrington Stanley from the lower leagues to Champions League glory.

There is no disharmony in my camp either and to boot I can work within your budget and not spend many millions on players who don’t deliver, lastly I can bring with me a better laptop too (mines an apple) where I’m sure theirs are lemons.

Yours faithfully

A Totally Gobsmacked At The Naivety Of The Ridiculous Set Up Villa Fan…