*We join the pundits of MOTD as they discuss the upcoming highlight reel of the Fulham Villa match*
Lineker: Right lads, who’s got analysis on the Fulham Aston Villa match?
Hansen: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Astrom Who?
Lineker: Aston Villa.
Hansen: Never heard of them.
Lineker (chuckling): Very funny Alan.
*Hansen is scowling at Lineker*
Linker: Oh… um…. You must have heard of them Alan? They’ve been around over a hundred years, one of the longest teams in the top flight?
*Hansen looks at Shearer who shrugs*
Lineker: So you’ve not watched the match then?
Hansen: I dinnae need to watch matches any more Gary, I just watch this every week.
*Hansen produces a laptop from behind the sofa, it’s playing a video with Ian Rush peeling away in celebration from a goal*
Hansen: Liverpool. The Glory Years.
Lineker: O….K. Alan? Did you watch Aston Villa?
Shearer: Oh aye, I’m still doon with tha’ kids like. I love tha JLS. ‘Let’s just get back togetha we shoulda never broke up..’
Lineker: Alan! Stop that dancing. We’re serious BBC sports broadcasters!
Shearer’….Beat Again! It’s killin’ may!’
Lineker: I mean the football club, not ‘Aston’ the singer. Stop that, what is it called …. the worm?
*Shearer is doing ‘the worm’ in the middle of the studio*
Linker: The Premier League trophy is wobbling Alan stop it! Stop it!
Shearer: alreet man alreet. Ya such a spoil sport pet.
Lineker: So I take it I’m the only one who’s seen this match then? Right, they fielded alot of players who have progressed through their ranks, quite a triumph really. One of their youngsters Barry Bannan hit a 60-70 yard pass, probably the best assist of the season. So I say we focus on that.
Hansen: Steve Gerrard did you say?
Lineker: No. Bannan.
Hansen: Not interested.
Lineker: No Barry Bannan, he’s a kid on the…
Shere: Aye, til he eats a banana, then he’s a man. I never got that like….
Lineker: Barry ….. Bannan.
Hansen: Is that the one from that Hulk film?
Lineker: That’s Bruce Banner!
Shearer: Oooh I love that film ‘Dinnae get me angry, ya wouldna like me when I’m angry like’. He’s like you Alan.
*Lineker and Shearer laugh, Hansen lunges at Shearer with fist raised.*
Hansen: I’m nay an angry man! Take it back! TAKE IT BACK!!
Shearer: Alan, put down ya fist man, it was just a jork like.
*Hansen thumps Shearer who slumps to the ground*
Lineker: Good God. Alan… You… You’ve broken his nose! (to the production crew) Just Roll straight to Wigan! Straight to Wigan!!
Hansen: I dinnae ken what he’s complainin’ about, ye wouldn’t have got a yellow card for that in ma day