Date: 13th December 2010 at 12:44pm
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating their win over the Baggies*

Downing: Well … Another goal for mey like. Does everyone love mey yet?

A.Young: Who are you again?

Downing: It’s me…. You know…. Stewart?

*The lads all look at him with confusion*

Collins: …. Ireland?

Downing: ….Downing!

Collins: No pints for me thanks. I’m still in trouble from last time…

Downing: Noor man, not Downing pints, Stewart Downing.

A.Young: It’s Ashley and no I’m not going to the pub with you either.

Downing: No I’m Stewart Downing! You know top scorer at the club? What do you have to do around here to win people over?……

*Smoke billows under the door*

Cuellar: Och Noo! A fire!

*Cuellar heroicly runs to the door to tackle the blaze, only to find a fog machine.*

Cuellar: What in tha’….?

A.Young: Can anyone else hear that?

*The faint sound of music can be heard approaching the misty entrance*

A.Young: Is that …. Mark Morrisson?

*The sound reaches deafening volume as Emile puts his stereo down and strides arrogantly into the dressing room clad in leather and sunglasses.*

Heskey: Return of the Mack (Once again!), return of the mack (top of the world!) return of the mack (watch my flow), you know that I’d be back, don’t you know!?

A.Young: … Jesus….

Heskey: Not quite young Ashley, it is I, *Heskey lowers his glasses peering over the lenses* Emile! Though you’d be forgiven for such an error as just like Jesus, I have returned to save you all.

Carew: Boss …. Boss! Emile is singing Mark Morrison’s ‘Return of the Mack’ and gyrating in my face!

Houllier: You would prefer ‘Crazy’?

Carew: No….

Houllier: …. ‘Horny’?

Carew: No! I would ‘prefer’ he didn’t gyrate.

Houllier: Well John, maybe you score and you can gyrate huh?

Carew: No I don’t want to gyrate I want him to STOP gyrating.

Heskey (Now with his hands behind his head): You can’t stop the rock John!

Carew: What does that even mean!?


Comments are closed on this article.