Date: 15th March 2010 at 10:46am
Written by:

*We join the lads mulling over their 0-0 draw against Stoke, MON is celebrating like he’s won the world cup*

MON: Yippee!!

*Milner whispers to Ashley Young*

Milner: Why’s the boss celebrating like that man?

A.Young: Because it’s the middle of March and we’ve not lost yet.

*MON immediately stops celebrating and his face contorts with rage*

MON: Who said it!? Who said the name of the month I said was never to be said in the dressing room!?

*The lads all sheepishly point at Heskey*

Heskey: What!? I didn’t … I mean…. It wasn’t.

MON: Emile! A man of your age and discernable lack of striking ability should know better.

Heskey: Don’t put me on the chair boss, please, I didn’t even say ‘March’.

MON: That’s it! ‘Funny man’ are you!? Do I need to remind you what happened to Nigel!?


*Nigel Reo-Coker is handcuffed to a radiator in a dank room somewhere in bodymoor heath, there appears to be nothing in the room but a saw, tears are streaming down his face*

NRC: I only suggested that we play a right back at right back.


Heskey: Sorry boss.

MON: As this is a day for celebration I’ll show mercy Emile but know this….

*MON points to his eyes with two fingers then at Heskey with them*

MON: Anyway, OK game lads, we couldn’t possibly be expected to win with that wind.

Gabby: Sorry boss, don’t think my stomach’s right yet.

MON: No, I mean, nevermind. John where were the goals?

*Carew doesn’t look up from filing his nails*

Carew: Nah, not today.

MON: I … um …. OK.