Date: 1st December 2010 at 10:36am
Written by:

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We join the lads preparing for the match in the belly of the enemy*

Collins: Do you think there is a reason the boss has made us hold spears?

A.Young: Spears? You don’t think that’s a little less odd than him being on horseback? I mean how do you even get a horse into a dressing room anyway?

Pires: You know when I was in ze invincibles we would have all manner of animals in ze dressing room, giraffes, little chipmunks, ‘ippos … It was a crazy time ….

Houllier: Silence! Forth and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise, players of Villa! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered and Stephen will get ‘is yellow card! A sword day …. a claret day …. ere the sun rises!

Warnock: *to Bannan* What ever happens, stay with me, I’ll look after you.

*Bannan nods nervously, Houllier rides past the players hitting their spears with his sword as he goes*

Houllier: Play now!… Play now!… Play! Play to ruin and the world’s ending!

*Houllier stops and points to the Birmingham City squad poster on the wall*

Houllier: Death!

All the lads: *echoing* Death!

Houllier: Death!

All the lads: *echoing* Death!

Houllier: DEATH!

Bannan & Herd: Death!

Houllier: Forth Villans!

*Delph hobbles rapidly out of the door screaming wildly as he goes, the lads look at each other with alarm*

A.Young: So…… Tactics boss?

Houllier: Ah yes *Houllier clears his throat* We’re going with the 4-4-1-1, with you supporting the striker, two advanced wingers, I was thinking also that….

*10 minutes later Delph bursts through the door interrupting the tactical talk blood-soaked and exhausted*

Delph: Um…. Just to let you know…. City are probably going to forfeit the match.

Herd: Really? Is the weather that bad?

Delph: …..Yes….. The weather….. Also I’m going to need an alibi ….. and ….. Anyone seen my passport?

A.Young: Yeah, O’Neill burnt the passports of everyone he employed.

Delph: Right …… Do any of you own a british based safe house?