Date: 10th December 2010 at 11:30am
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We join the lads preparing to play the baggies*

Houllier: Bonjour everyone! Now I’ll be looking for something a little ‘ow you say ‘different’ in this match.

Pires: What? Like a win?

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

Houllier: Yes.

*The dressing room falls silent*

Houllier: Now we must not underestimate West Bromwich.

Pires: What? Aren’t zey bankers?

Gabby: I’ll say! I hate them I do, proper idi…

Houllier: ‘E said ‘bankers’ Gabriel and no Robert, zat is a ze Building Society, zese are ze ‘Albions’

Clark: Really!? Get in! I’ve never seen any in real life, are they fit? Will they all be kissing each other and that?

Houllier: Zey may kiss each other but I think zat you are mistaken Ciaran, I said Albions, not …

Albrighton: Yeah Ciaran, Albions are the ones with the pink eyes and white hair and stuff. So boss will they be scared of the sunlight? I think that’ll definitely play into our hands.

Houllier: No, no an Albion is none of zese things!

*the lads look at each other confused*

Clark: So….. What is an albion then….?

Houllier: It’s a …hmm… It’s….. It doesn’t matter what it is! Just go out and beat zem! Stephen, you understand as I want to win you cannot play.

Ireland: Aye bass.

Houllier: Now listen children, this isn’t Liverpool we are playing here so I would prefer we win than zem OK? …. OK …. Now go out there and win!

Dunne: So … Just to confirm bass, ya want us to win?

Houllier: Yes.

Dunne: Not play sloppy at the back and lose?

Houllier: No!

Dunne: Right ya are.

*Collins, Dunne, Warnock and Luke Young all scribble ‘Win’ and underline it on their notepads’

Houllier: Ah yes! One more thing Fabian is fit again everybody!

*the lads all applaud*

Delph: Thanks guys, thanks. Right how many yellow cards is it you’re allowed again?

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

Delph: No, seriously …. It’s five right?

A.Young: It’s two and you’re off.

Delph: Oh … I’ll have to re-evaluate my list then….

*Delph puts a line through three of a list of five players on a list on his pad, Young peers at the list.*

A.Young: ‘Deaf list’? It’s spelt d.e.a.T.H Fabian.

Delph: I’m not going to kill anyone Ashley!

A.Young: Oh, well that’s a relief….

Delph: I was thinking I’d deafen them with their own screams of agony.

A.Young: O….K.


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