Date: 26th April 2010 at 1:40pm
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating their victory over Birmingham City*

MON: Well another well deserved victory lads!

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: I tell you if City weren’t even going to try I don’t know why they bothered turning up.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter again*

MON: I’m on a roll, how about this one? … Gabriel Agbonlahor walks into a bar….. Penalty.

*The dressing room roars with laughter, Gabby steps forward grinning*

Gabby: Pint please.

*The lads all laugh again, Gabby looks confused maintaining a polite, waiting smile*

Gabby: ….. Oooh yeah the boss is here, half a shandy please?

*The lads have all fallen silent and are staring at Gabby*

MON: Gabriel … You’re not actually in a bar….

*Gabby hasn’t heard, he’s disco dancing in the silence*

MON: Gabriel!

Gabby: Yes boss? Bit of a sausage fest in here isn’t it?

MON: You’re not in a bar.

Gabby: But you just said.

MON: It was a joke. Now Brad, excellent game you’re truly world class, really turned back the years you did, like a machine you are.

*a battered and bruised Friedel raises one of his steaming gloves with a thumb aloft whilst still breathing into his oxygen mask.*

MON: And Emile you were an inch away from being a hero.

Milner: A hero like me boss like?

MON: Yes James a hero like you, Oh Emile, one day the fans will shout your name from the stands without expletives on either end of it.

Heskey: I live in hope boss.

MON: Now get on the no goal chair.

Heskey: but boss Gabby and John didn’t….

MON: Chair!

*Heskey skulks to the chair facing the wall, there is a knock at the door, it’s Roger Johnson, he’s fuming.*

MON: Ah Roger, here to apologise to Gabriel over your horror tackle?

Johnson: Disgrace!

MON: Quite right, you are I mean to take a player down in the box like that.

Johnson: What!? It was never a penalty, I got the ball.

MON: I’ll say you’ve got some balls disputing that blatant penalty.

Johnson: What!?….. I didn’t mean …. But…… I ….. Disgrace!

MON: Agreed. Shame on you.

*MON slams the door and turns back to the lads, mumbling and the loud cries of ‘Disgrace!’ can be heard through the door.*

MON: Now lads, it’s time for a sing song. My old man said be a City fan he said … Everybody…..

*The lads all join in jovially*

Gabby: The service here is rubbish.



Happy Derby Day One and All!