Date: 22nd February 2010 at 11:16am
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating their 5-2 victory over Burnley, Heskey is doing his ‘I got a goal’ dance*

Heskey: Oh yeah! Scoring the winner at the death, that’s what Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey is all about.

Milner: The winner? At the death? There were loads of goals and yours was somewhere in the middle man.

Heskey: I didn’t see you scoring any winning goals James.

Milner: I was layin’ on assists like.

Heskey: Assists? Pah! The people want goals young James, one day you’ll learn that. I’ll teach you to put a few away if you’d like?

*Milner raises his eyebrows in bemusement as MON enters, he is singing to himself as he strolls through the doors.*

MON: …and we’ll keep on fighting to the end, we are the…… What in the ….!? Gabriel unhand Stewart at once!

*Gabby stops throttling Downing*

Gabby: He stole my celebration boss!

MON: He what?

Gabby: The one where I look super happy and jump pointing to my name on my back with my thumbs.

*Downing climbs to his feet rubbing the back of his neck*

Downing: I cannae help it, I like goals like.

*Gabby lunges for Downing*

Gabby: I like goals!

*half of the team are restraining Gabby*

Downing: I just like ’em more than you pet, I mean I scored two, how many did you score?

*Gabby starts pointing to his fingers, counting the goals he scored.*

Downing: You scored one Gabriel, one.

MON: Enough of this bickering lads there were enough goals for everyone. Good battling and passion out there. James, you must’ve lost 12 pints of blood from your head.

*A weak, paler than usual Collins barely raises his hand and slowly extends a thumbs up*

MON: And Emile, I think we’re all beginning to see your potential, why with the right coaching in a few years you’ll be an excellent striker.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter, Delph approaches Ashley Young*

Delph: Mr.Young sir?

A.Young: Yes Fabian?

Delph: I was wondering if you could show me something.

A.Young: No problem Fabian, I love to help out the youngsters with their tricks and technique, what do you want to learn? How to beat your man or how to whip in a cross or…?

Delph: No that one tackle when you smashed Eagles and you were like ‘Pow!’ and Eagles was like ‘Aaaaargh my leg, back and arms!’ and the ref was like ‘play on!’

*Delph looks attentively at A.Young, pulling out his notepad and pen.*