Date: 12th April 2010 at 12:40pm
Written by:

*We join MON speaking in the dressing room dejected after the lads loss at Wembley*

MON: Well that went as planned, except for the loss of course, I mean we showed some good fight out there and conceded some late goals and sure the media will blame a tired squad but that is hogwash and we all know…..

*MON is interrupted by loud snoring, he pauses and scans the room to see the dressing room asleep*

Gabby: …. Pregnant!?……

Heskey: ….. By far the proudest of my achievements …. Few strikers get the World Cup Golden Boot….

Delph: ….Die! Die! Die!… Red card!? … I didn’t even touch him!…. Is it because I’m not John Terry!?….

Carew: …..Free dance night!?……

MON: LADS!

*The lads jumped startled, some of their Aston Villa sleeping caps fly off, Ashley Young raises his head from Carews shoulder and stretches.*

A.Young: What’s up boss?

MON: The match lads, though we lost, good effort.

*MON strolls toward Heskey and tears off the ‘Respect’ patch on his shirt sleeve, waving it it to the lads.*

Heskey: Hey!

MON: But this!? You can forget this!

Milner: Mad about tha’ penalty and John Terry’s attempted murder like boss?

MON: Yes James …. But something more ….

*MON flashes back to his approach to Howard Webb’s dressing room post match to dispute his decisions*

……………………….

*MON knocks on the door, it’s a little open already and what sounds like Karaoke is blaring out, MON gently edges the door open further*

MON: Listen Mr.Webb I….

*MON’s jaw drops and he is stunned to silence, Howard Webb has his back to MON and is dancing in a long, blonde, curly wig, he is stripped to a vest and his shorts*

Webb: R.E.S.P.E.C.T! Found out what it means to me! ….

*Webb blows the rest of the tune on his ref’s whistle, he has fists full of cash with a briefcase sat on the dresser which has ‘NOT Bribe Money’ embossed on it … Webb notices MON’s presence*

Webb: Oh …. Err Martin …. It’s not what it looks like.

MON: So you’re not butchering an Aretha Franklin classic?

Webb: Well … Yes … I mean I’ve not been bribed. I can assure you that any decisions throughout the match were down to big four media bias and were not in anyway financially endorsed.

MON: You’re reading a statement … A statement I just saw you pull from the briefcase you have clearly received from Roman Ambromavic.

Webb: What!? Nonsense.

*MON raises the tag on the brief case*

MON: Then what’s this?

*The tag is a picture of Roman Ambromavic with a large grin and two thumbs up*

Webb: Well that could be any Russian oligarch!

*MON sighs and strolls back to the Villa dressing room*

………………………

MON: Well lads, nevermind, worse things have happened, we all survived.

*Milner is rubbing his leg, a tear rolls down his cheek*

Milner: Sometimes like, I wish I never.

MON: Don’t you worry James, we’ll have our revenge, first we get as many of you as we can in the England team …. Then ….