Date: 18th October 2010 at 11:23am
Written by:



*We join the lads reflecting on their draw with Chelsea, they enter the dressing room to find Heskey face down on a massage table being worked on by two swedish masseurs*

Heskey: Oh, hi lads, I trust you scored no goals?

A.Young: …. No.

Heskey: Well what a surprise.

A.Young: Emile, what exactly is wrong with you?

Heskey: I have ‘scorer’s back’

Carew: Scorer’s back!?

Heskey: I wouldn’t expect you of all people to know what that is John.

*Carew growls*

Heskey: being that you don’t score goals I mean.

*Heskey begins to choke*

Heskey: um … Girls, can you ease up on the throat there.

Carew: It’s nordic massage!

*the lads all pull Carew from Heskey, Heskey rubs the back of his neck*

Heskey: Dear me, in truth I probably pulled my back carrying the team.

*The lads release Carew. A.Young approaches a crying NRC and rubs his back*

A.Young: Don’t worry Nige, no-one out there expects you to score.

NRC: Yeah? Well I guess it was a tough chance, working my way all the way there, then a one on one with Cech at the death…

A.Young: Oh, no Nige, I meant EVER.

Warnock: So … Guys …. Am I in?

Delph: I don’t know man, Sidders what do you reckon?

Sidwell: I suppose of late you have been clocking up the yellow cards …

Warnock: Yeah, I even fouled Delfouneso out there today, that’s got to be worth something?

Delph: Hmmm kicking a youth ….

Sidwell: And our own player at that … Sure you’re in.

*Sidwell puts a line through NRC’s name on a board titled ‘Hall of Maim’ replacing it with Warnock’s*

NRC: What!? Come on guys, sure I missed a chance but…

Delph: Where’s your card from today Nigel? Huh?

NRC: I didnt get one but I tried my best and…

Sidwell: look Nige, you have a choice, kick people or the ball. You’ve disappointed us.

*NRC sobs into his shirt*

NRC: Kicked out of the Hall of Maim, This is the worst day of my life! Seriously, it couldn’t get worse.

*Houllier enters he is deep in conversation with Duverne*

Houllier: …. Oui, it is very interesting, so what is your favourite french word used in this terrible english language?

Duverne: Eh….. ‘Deja Vu’ I think.

Houllier: Ah… Mine is ‘contretemps’

NRC: Nooooooooooo!