Date: 23rd August 2010 at 1:41pm
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*We join the lads after their woeful performance at St. James’ Park. A smiling Stephen Ireland is talking excitedly.*

Ireland: Wow!…. I mean I know I barely know you guys but that was a fantastic performance. Andy, Kevin, brilliant!

*The lads all look at each other*

Ireland: Where is Andy anyway? Still getting the man of the match champagne? So are we partying tonight then? Do we do that here?

NRC: Dude, we just lost 6-0.

Ireland: Lost …. 6-0?

NRC: Yeah we were terrible, I mean look at Brad.

*Brad Friedel is curled up in the foetal position in the corner shaking*

Friedel: They just keep comin’! ….and comin’!

*Kevin MacDonald enters, his hand covering his face*

MacDonald: Lads, what’re you doing to me out there? this is my ‘live application’, I may as well have just marched into Mr.Lerners office pulled my pants down to my ankles and sang ‘Yankee Doodle went to town’ whilst saluting.

A.Young: You mean like Steve just did for 90 minutes boss?

Warnock: Hey!

MacDonald: Yes. Steve I told you to pull up those pants!

Warnock: Oh…. I thought you meant the other Steve boss.

(Warnock pulls up his pants and shorts)

MacDonald:(Sigh) Enough about pants. Ireland, you were supposed to be a make weight, not a paper weight!

Salifou: Yes, that job is taken.

*Salifou adjusts himself on the pile of documents he’s sitting on. Ireland chuckles*

Ireland: Good one boss, you too Moustapha!

Salifou: BACK AWAY FROM MY PAPER!

Ireland: OK. Wow, calm down.

MacDonald: ….and defence, Dina Carroll and the Nolan sisters would’ve put six past you today! What’s going on!?

Dunne: Now hang on… Was I supposed to be marking Dina Carroll out dere bass? Cuz I was tinkin’ when a few of them went in ‘Jaysus, I hope I’m not supposed ta pick up that lady dere’

Clark: Who’s Dina Carroll?

*MacDonald rests his face in his hands.*