Date: 8th March 2010 at 10:38am
Written by:

*We join the lads rejoicing after their 4-2 victory over Reading. Most of them are cleaning tea off the walls and sweeping up broken china from half-time.*

MON: See lads, that wasn’t so hard was it?

*MON packs away his blow torch, Gabby emerges from the toilets*

Gabby: Is it over? How’d you guys get on?

A.Young: We won Gabby, but why didn’t you play?

Gabby: I’m no good at reading.

A.Young: Reading? What’s that got to do with …… Oh, we weren’t ‘reading’… like books Gab.

Carew: I was reading the defenders like books.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON (wiping a tear away): Oh John when you’re not totally disrespecting the team and everything it stands for with lacklustre, disinterested performances you’re amazing.

Carew: Well, you know me.

*Carew shrugs his shoulders with an amusing frown, everyone hugs him whilst laughing*

All the lads: We love you John.

Carew: Yeah, yeah I know.

Heskey: What about me? I had a hand in every goal and won us possession about 90% of the time out there.

*Heskey grins widely whilst holding his arms out for a ‘team hug’*

MON: Sssssh Emile, look John’s flexing his biceps.

Carew: Oh Yeah! Check out the gun show!

*The lads ignore Heskey and are applauding and whooping the ‘show’*

Heskey: I mean I know I didn’t score but I….

MON: Emile! Now that’s enough out of you! Sit on the ‘No Goal’ chair!

Heskey: But…

MON: Chair!

*Heskey saunters over to a chair facing the wall which crudely has ‘No Goals’ written on the back, He slumps into it, folds his arms and kicks the wall*

Heskey: Stupid Carew and his stupid goals I should…

MON: What are you mumbling over there Emile!?

Heskey: Nothing boss!