Date: 17th March 2010 at 10:59am
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating victory over Wigan, MON is pelvic thrusting with gusto at the front of the room*

MON: Oh Yeah! A league win in March! How do you like me now!? In your face Robbo, and you said we’d never win in March!

Robertson: Martin, I said no such….

MON: In your face! Now James where are you? What a cracking goal, brilliant, world class, genius….

Milner: Well thanks boss, I just found the space, picked me spot and hit it like.

MON: What? I’m not talking to you, where is he? Where’s James McCarthy the lovely man?

Dunne: He doesn’t play for us bass, he’s a Wigan man.

MON: Come again? But he hammered it home beautifully.

Collin: Yeah, own goal, happens to the best of us, well the best of us and James McCarthy.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter*

MON: Wigan eh…?

*MON flips through a notepad with ‘SUMMER’ written on the front, he comes to a page titled ‘GOAL PROBLEM?’ underneath it he writes ‘JAMES MCCARTHY – WIGAN (better even than Emile?)’

MON: ….. and British is he?

Dunne: Aye Boss, he was born in Scotland.

MON: Excellent.

*MON underlines his name on the notepad*

Dunne: But he plays for Ireland.

MON: Ah, Double british!

*MON underlines his name again*

MON: Which Ireland? The better one?

Dunne: Yeah bass.

MON: Ah from my neck of the woods eh? Great stuff it’s good to see the motherland producing such talent.

Dunne: Wait…. I thought you meant….

*Fabian Delph interrupts Dunne, tugging at his shirt*

Delph: Great game Mr.Dunne sir.

Dunne: Thanks bud!

Delph: Yellow card ….. Nice.

Dunne: It’s not like I enjoy getting cards.

*Delph raises an eyebrow at Dunne*

Dunne: ‘right, maybe I do a bit.

*Dunne and Delph discuss their all time favourite bookings and dismissals*

Delph: ….and I was like ‘Pow!’ and he was like ‘My spleen! My beautiful spleen!’ then the ref was like ‘you, Delph, off’ and I was like ‘What!? I didn’t even see him there!’ then the ref was all ‘You’re still standing on him!’

MON: So…. No goals again John?

*Carew barely raises his eybrows above the book he’s reading*

Carew: Huh?

MON: Goals?

Carew: Oh, Nah not today.

MON: I….um…. OK.

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