Date: 20th December 2010 at 1:46pm
Written by:

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know, a little bit of snow and they shut the lot down don’t they? Not me though, I struggled to work today, barefoot 21 miles in the snow to work and why? Because I have the British Bulldog spirit! That’s why!

By ‘barefoot’ I of course mean ‘in my car with the hot blowers on full and a large cup of warm coffee in a travel mug’ and by ‘British Bulldog Spirit’ I mean ‘ an increasing level of debt off set by rising bills, cost of living (petrol in particular) and general family expenditure meaning an unpaid day off is out of the question’. With that in mind the following article is also full of exaggeration and bare-faced lies….

*We join the lads discussing their postponed match against Wigan, an excited Gabby enters*

Gabby: What a match!

Houllier: Mon Dieu! Gabriel sit down, cover up you are shaking and covered in ze snow.

Gabby: It was worth it boss, 3 points and 30 goals from me, that’s a personal record.

Houllier: 30 … Gabriel what are you talking about?

Gabby: I mean it’s a shame we couldn’t keep a clean sheet but you know, that’s our defence at the moment.

A.Young: Gabby…. have you just played a match out there yourself? It was called off…

Gabby: Nah I wasn’t out there by myself the unicorn set up most my goals …. and the magic seahorse.

A.Young: Magic sea… Gabby I think you may be delirious.

Gabby: I am Ashley, I’m over the moon, now its just time for more of my chest infection medicine.

*Gabby guzzles from a medicine bottle*

Downing: Whoa Gabby, how much of that are you taking like?

Gabby: Just what the bottle says, four spoons every two hours.

*Downing examines Gabby’s medicine*

Downing: It says TWO spoons every FOUR hours man!

Gabby: Oh…… Yippeee !!!

A.Young: Um boss … We have a problem.

*Gabby is performing unbalanced cartwheels and handsprings around the dressing room*

Houllier: I see zis Ashley ….. However will we be able to pin down John Carew and administer such an amount of medicine?

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

Houllier: Seriously Richard, James pin him down.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter again*

Houllier: Stop zis laughing, I said pin him down!!