Date: 27th September 2010 at 12:30pm
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating their victory over Wolves. Warnock enters he’s wearing a bandana with the japanese ‘rising sun’ on*

Warnock: Woooooy Yaaaaaah!

*Warnock fly kicks Sidwell in the thigh*

Sidwell: Yeeeaaaaargh! Boss tell him!

*Warnock stands in a karate stance and peers left and right*

Houllier: OK, OK Stephen zis is enough.

Warnock: Hiii Yah!

*Warnock karate chops Cuellar on the shoulder with all his force, Cuellar doesn’t flinch*

Houllier: Enough!

Warnock: Oh … Sorry boss, you know what it’s like when you get in the zone.

*Warnock removes his bandana*

Warnock: Enoch Powell! Beverley Knight! Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo! half built bus depot! Your boys just took one hell of a beating!

*The dressing room erupts with laughter, Heskey enters, he’s wearing Elton John-esque sunglasses*

Heskey: Greeting peasants! I trust you non-goalscorers enjoyed the game?

*Heskey edges off his driving gloves*

A.Young: Emile, do you not think you’re letting it get to your head a bit? I mean where did you even get a full length mink coat between the pitch and here?

Heskey: Oh Mr.Young, nice to see you there. Shame you couldn’t play today…

A.Young: Couldn’t?…. I did play.

Heskey: Oh, I’m sorry. I just didn’t see your name on the scoresheet!

*Heskey presents an A3 poster of the scoreline and scorers*

A.Young: The score …. There’s more to my game than goals, I win the ball, flick it on, make the plays…

Heskey: Pah! Like anyone cares about all that. Goals is where it’s at, ain’t that the truth Gabby?

Gabby: Well … I do like goals.

Heskey: John?

Carew: I suppose.

Heskey: Sorry John? Speak up I couldn’t hear you over your embarrassing lack of goals this season.

*Carew rolls his eyes, Heskey mimics offering Carew some if his famous goal scoring juice*

Carew: Whatever Emile, you’re one miss short of everyone hating you again.

Heskey: Please, we both know that’s not the case.

*Heskey screws up the poster he was still holding out into a ball and throws it at the bin, it bounces of the rim of the bin and onto the floor.*

Crowd heard outside: Boooooooooo! Donkey! Get ‘im off! We want Delfouneso on! We want Delfouneso on!

*Carew raises his eyebrows in an ‘I told you so fashion’*