We join the lads filing into the dressing room followed by Houllier*
Houllier: Bonjour gentleman, I ‘ave been to see zis Burnley play and zey are terrible, really, zey stink up the pitch with zere awful, awful attempts at football. We will crush zem!
*Houllier pumps a hearty fist, the lads remain silent, staring at Houllier*
Houllier: Hmm, not ze reaction I was ‘oping for. Did I mention zat I ‘ear zey eat children!? Well, zey do. Evil zey are zese Burnley thugs. Now let’s go out zere and beat zem!
*Houllier still gets no reaction*
Houllier: OK …. I see you are all intently focussed on the match. Emile, as usual I will be depending on you to score the goals.
Eagles: I’m Chris Eagles Mr.Houllier.
Houllier: And Ashley, if you could win a few free kicks and pass the ball to Emile, zat would be greatly appreciated.
Alexander: I’m Graham Alexander!
Houllier: Ho hoooo, you think I don’t get your playing ze trick on ze new manager!? When I was a boy in France we would do zese things all ze time. Now Emile take off zis ridiculous wig.
*Houllier wrenches at Eagles’ hair*
Houllier: And I know all about zese amazing prosthetic masks.
Eagles: My Face! My beautiful face!
*Heskey and Young pop their heads around the door to check the commotion*
Heskey: Is everything OK in here, you’re …. Boss! Why are you attacking Chris Eagles?!
Houllier: Because he is cunningly disguised as you Emile!
*Heskey and Young look each other, then back at the scene*
Young: Fabian! Surely you know that’s not Emile in disguise.
*Delph releases Eagles hair and dusts his hands.*
Delph: Of course I do.
*Delph whistles to himself as he strolls out of the Burnley dressing room past Young and Heskey in the doorway*
Houllier: Hmmm, it appears zere has been some sort of mix up, well best of luck to you boys in our match.
*Houllier, Heskey and Young leave Burnley comforting a sobbing Eagles*