Date: 5th February 2010 at 11:10am
Written by:

*We join the lads preparing for their clash against Spurs*

MON: Right, settle down lads, now for this match I ….

*There is a knock at the door, MON (quite annoyed at being interrupted) answers it. It’s Harry Redknapp and Peter Crouch*

Redknapp: Marty! ‘Ow are you me auld china!?

MON: I’m fine thanks Harry.

Redknapp: Sir ‘Arry, please.

MON: You’re not a knight of the realm Harry and I have no issue beginning a word without a vowel…. Anyway as you can see I’m quite busy, how can I help you?

Redknapp: I was wonderin’ if you’d like to buy this job lot of captain’s armbands ….. Crouchie!

*Crouch lugs a massive cardboard box dropping it at MON’s feet, MON opens the box*

MON: What am I going to do with a box of hundreds of armbands Harry? And why do they all have a large capital ‘E’ on?

Crouch (whispering): I told you he’d notice boss!

Redknapp: Shut it Crouchie you plonker! Marty, obviously it stands for ”E’s the captain’

MON: No thanks Harry …. and why are you pair dressed as Batman and Robin?

Redknapp: Long story ….. Wembley Tickets?

*Redknapp thrusts a fistful of Wembley tickets toward MON.*

MON: Hang on … Where did you get those? ….. NATHAN!?

*MON turns to see Nathan Baker has disappeared*

A.Young: He said something about the Costa Del Sol boss.

*MON sighs and slams the door in Redknapp and Crouch’s faces*

Crouch: Well that went better than I thought it would.

Redknapp: Don’t worry Crouchie my son, my next scheme’s going to make us millions, first we buy Pompey, then ….

Crouch: Can we not just play football boss?

*Back in the dressing room*

MON: I only have one tactic for this match lads.

*MON pulls down a rolled up poster, unveiling a large picture of Jermaine Defoe’s face, he’s smiling widely and is surrounded by a bold red circle with a line through it*

MON: Stop. Jermaine. Defoe

*Delph and Sidwell’s eyes widen and gleam*

Sidwell: You mean ‘Stop him’, ‘stop him’ boss?

MON: Well I ….

*MON turns, Delph is repeatedly kicking holes in the face poster*

MON: Fabian!?

Delph: What?…… I like kicking people.

MON: Steven!?

*Sidwell stops growling and raises his eyebrows, a piece of poster his hanging from between his teeth like an oversized tongue*