Date: 5th August 2010 at 11:37am
Written by:

*We join the lads gearing up for their pre-season match against Valencia*

MON: Right lads pipe down, now admittedly I don’t know much about Valencia …

*Gabby’s hand shoots up*

MON: Gabriel.

Gabby: So …. We’re just playing against one bloke boss?

MON: Yes Gabriel, now I know he’s come on abit since he first arrived at Wigan, but we have to bear in mind he has single handedly beaten us before and now he plays for Man Utd he’s going to…

A.Young: Boss … You do know we’re not playing just Antonio Valencia don’t you?

MON: Is he bringing some family along?

A.Young: What? No boss, Valencia, they’re a spanish side, I’ve just been looking at them on my laptop.

MON: Spanish you say?

*MON approaches Young to have a look at his laptop*

MON: What was that window you just closed down there quickly Ashley?

A.Young: Er… Nothing boss.

MON: Catching up with your friends on MyFace or Spacebook or whatever they’re called?

A.Young: Um …. Yeah … ‘MyFace’ boss, that’s what I was doing.

MON: You little scamp.

*MON playfully squeezes Young’s shoulders whilst reading the screen*

MON: Ha, look at this here, the spanish have set up a league and everything bless them. Well I suppose it should be easy enough to beat them, they’ll curl up for a nap at some point.

*the lads look at each other, NRC is typing on his phone*

NRC: ‘Playin Valencia in min gonna b well gud’

MON: What’re you doing there Nigel?

NRC: Just updating my Faceboo…. um … ‘MyFace’, boss.

*NRC grins politely*

MON: On my time!? Why it’s tantamount to mutiny! Mutiny!

NRC: But that’s what Ashley just….

MON: Oh? And if Ashley jumped off a bridge would you!?

NRC: jumped off a…? Why would Ashley jump off a bridge?

MON: To save kittens probably, that’s the kind of man he is. You Nigel would probably argue with the kittens until they drowned!

NRC: You monster!

*Gabby is putting on his coat*

MON: Gabriel? Where are you going?

Gabby: To save the kittens.

MON: There are no kittens!

Gabby: What!? We’re too late?

*Gabby collapses into his chair and breaks down in tears, sobbing into his hands. MON comforts him, tapping his back whilst looking visciously at NRC*

MON: See? Now look what you’ve done!

NRC: What I….? But I didn’t…

MON: There’s no ‘I’ in team Nigel. It’s the bench for you.

*Gabby interrupts raising his tear streaked face from his hands*

Gabby: I was going to call one of them Mr.Fluffington.