Date: 19th March 2010 at 11:42am
Written by:

*We join the lads preparing to play Wolves.*

MON: OK lads OK, lets calm down. Now the March hoo-doo has been dealt with I expect us to ‘march’ on to triumph!

*MON pauses for a laugh. There isn’t one*

Carew: Boooooooo!

MON: Boo!? Did someone boo my joke?

*The lads all point at Heskey, MON cuts him an icy stare*

Heskey: What!? It wasn’t …. I mean I didn’t … erm….. I wasn’t booing I said ‘Boorilliant’…… I was doing a Black Country accent…. Because we’re playing Wolves.

MON: Oh… Right. Anyway, against Wolves these two are the pair we’re really going to have to look out for.

*MON extends a telescopic pointer and taps on two pictures on the board. Ashley Young points to the first*

A.Young: Who’s that?

MON: Who’s that? It’s Steve Bull! “Bully”, look at him there with his cheeky smile.

A.Young: Who?

MON: Steve Bull, you know Wolves player, played for England, great striker.

A.Young: Never heard of him.

MON: That’s because he has what few players have nowadays. Loyalty, like Alan Shearer he didn’t wander to one of the ‘big teams’ for glory.

Collins: So basically they were scared of the challenge and failure?

*MON points the pointer at Collins*

MON: Bingo.

Milner: and who’s tha other wun like?

MON: This? This is Noddy Holder.

Milner: Does he play football like?

MON: Heavens no, their players aren’t going to be a threat, I just thought I’d give you something to look for out there when you’re tired of giving Wolves a hiding.

*MON pauses again*

Carew: Boooo!

MON: Thankyou. Now people have questioned whether I will rotate the team like I said I would. First team, stand up.

*The familiar first team line-up stand up*

MON: Now turn 180 degrees.

*They all turn, Gabby is spinning in circles like dog chasing it’s tail, Heskey takes considerably longer to make the turn*

MON: And again.

*They all turn again facing MON once more*

MON: And sit. Rotation complete.