The wife is no stranger to exercise. Somewhat controversially, she now concentrates solely on working her liver; I can see the logic though, it’s occasionally her second largest internal organ.
If the Government told the wife that she could only purchase her beloved Buckfast during January, she would quite rightly revolt; which admittedly, is not a major deviation from the norm.
I find it incredible that Premiership managers are handicapped in such a fashion. It’s almost impossible to do any business in such a small window, although I did manage it once in Amsterdam.
Paradoxically, Martin O’Neill’s transactions have been exceptional. He somehow managed to entice the classy John Carew, and all it cost him was a dud Czech. The Villa are bouncing, they’ll see off the Hammers at 10/11.
A little known FIFA clause allows Frank Lampard to leave Chelsea for a relatively paltry £8m. Frank may have his knockers, but that seems a fair price to me. The champions have too much up top for a struggling Charlton; get on at a well developed 2/5.
Sheffield United win the award for the most surprising transfer. You could have knocked me over with a feather when news broke that they had signed Fathi; who knew that they had a spare £8m. The Blades haven’t won in Blackburn for 20 years; the Rovers are the weekend nap at an ample 8/11.
I believe the children are the future, unless we crack down hard on them now. The appointment of Stuart Pearce to the England Under-21 setup has been met with consternation by the Manchester City board; Reading can take full advantage at 12/5.
Mohammed Al Fayed can’t believe that Reading are above Fulham in the table; he thinks it’s a Royal conspiracy. The Cottagers will triumph over Newcastle at a clandestine 13/10.
Paul Jewell must be sick of the sight of Harry Redknapp; and not just because of the annoying twitch. Wigan have already lost twice to Portsmouth this season, a Pompey treble is in the bag at a knee-jerk 13/8.
I am extremely disappointed with Lua Lua. It wasn’t the fact that he was arrested for an alleged domestic disturbance; I feel let down because he didn’t do a double back flip after striking. I’m doing somersaults about the 7/1 for a 1-0 win to Portsmouth.
Jesus is more than handy with a loaf of bread and a piece of cod, but even He would struggle to keep Watford in the Premiership. Prayers do occasionally get answered though, thank you Al Bangura. Get on Bolton to beat Watford at a sacrilicious 5/4.
Liverpool host neighbours Everton in a tantalising Merseyside derby. The Toffeemen haven’t won at Anfield this millennium; it’ll be the Liverpool fans bragging in the benefit office on Monday morning. The Reds are a steal at 8/13.
Cesc Fabregas is a little magician. As long as he avoids Debbie McGee he’s got a decent future in the game. The 4/5 for an Arsenal win over Middlesbrough is spellbinding.
Tottenham are like Paul McCartney on his wedding night, they have to get over an extremely disappointing second leg. Man U will overwhelm the deflated Spurs at 5/6.
Wayne Rooney has been labeled a tubby Eric Cantona, and there’s more than an element of truth in such a comparison. The next big thing can net the opener at 6/1.
Ever since the departure of Cantona (and to a lesser degree Sheringham), United have struggled for a quality player in the hole. I believe Rooney will prove to be the missing link. I’m going ape about United scoring three or more goals at 11/4.
This week’s accer is so alluring, it reminds me of the wife’s sister; but i’ll get into that later. Liverpool, Aston Villa, Blackburn and Reading are the selections, the payout is a feisty 16/1.
Weekend Betting:
Liverpool v Everton Saturday 3rd February 12:45
Live on Premiership Plus
Liverpool 8/13
Draw 13/5
Everton 11/2
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Liverpool to score three or more goals 9/4
Aston Villa v West Ham
Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Aston Villa 10/11
Draw 9/4
West Ham 3/1
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special:
Carew to score the first goal 7/1
Blackburn v Sheff Utd
Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Blackburn 8/11
Draw 5/2
Sheff Utd 4/1
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special:
Derbyshire and McCarthy both to score 7/1
Charlton v Chelsea Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Charlton 15/2
Draw 10/3
Chelsea 2/5
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special:
John Terry to score with a header 8/1
Fulham v Newcastle Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Fulham 13/10
Draw 9/4
Newcastle 11/5
Get on: Fulham
Match Special:
Montella to score at any time 7/4
Man City v Reading Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Man City 11/10
Draw 9/4
Reading 12/5
Get on: Reading
Match Special:
Reading to score two or more goals 11/5
Watford v Bolton Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Watford 13/5
Draw 9/4
Bolton 5/4
Get on: Bolton
Match Special:
Al Bangura to be booked 5/2
Wigan v Portsmouth Saturday 3rd February 15:00
Wigan 17/10
Draw 9/4
Portsmouth 13/8
Get on: Portsmouth
Match Special:
Portsmouth to keep a clean sheet 15/8
Middlesbrough v Arsenal
Saturday 3rd February 17:15
Live on Premiership Plus
Middlesbrough 4/1
Draw 12/5
Arsenal 4/5
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Henry to score a hat-trick 20/1
Tottenham v Man Utd
Sunday 4th February 16:00
Live on Sky
Tottenham 4/1
Draw 5/2
Man Utd 5/6
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special:
Rooney to score from outside the penalty area 5/1
By Gerry McDonnell
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