Date: 22nd March 2008 at 7:52pm
Written by:

Birmingham City Council have warned Aston Villa that the ground could be closed if supporters continue to stand.

Yes that’s right folks, forget crime, murder, the ridiculous Government, somkers, drinkers and people who like 4×4’s.

We have a new menace. Fans who stand.

I had to type that slowly, simply is the power of the deliquents and the fear that the word ‘stand’ invokes in us all.

Are fans who stand the ‘new Chavs’ or ‘hoodies’? People will be panicking in their homes and refuse to leave the house during kick off times for the fear of accidently catching sight of the new menace.

Another cracking find by the ‘Elf and Safety’ Police – when do these people sleep, surely it’s a 24 hour job to keep up with risk assessments to protect us from ourselves.

Afterall, it’s a given isn’t it. A fan standing will automatically throw themselves down the steps or across the rows of other fans. They can’t just stand there and watch the game – no, they must be planning to hurt us all.

Standing fans are the ‘Terrorists of the Age of Fandom’.

Anyway, in a meeting between John Handley, head of safety and security and our loveable Council, the club were warned that the ground could face closure next season if the ‘orrible standing fans don’t use their bums more often.

Speaking to the E+S, Handley said:

“The Holte holds 13,000 people and we`re talking about a section of 1,000 seats in the upper Holte, K block.

“We`re addressing the problem of fans standing in that area.

“Standing is permitted at times of excitement such as when a goal is scored or when a player is cautioned, but these people resist every attempt to get them to sit down.”

I’m sure John has better things to do but in this nanny state we live in it’s not like he has any choice.

So fans in the upper Holte, K block, do John a favour and let him get on with things far more fun than talking to the Council eh.

Yes, I am trying to avoid anything match related tonight!