Date: 18th December 2009 at 3:31pm
Written by:

*We join the lads gearing up for their match against Stoke City*

MON: OK lads, we faltered last season in this match, not this time though I have a …..

*The door is knocked with panic, MON answers the door, it’s James Beattie*

Beattie: er…Hello Martin, how are you?

MON: I’m fine thank you James …. Why are you knocking our dressing room door …. and in your underpants?

Beattie: Oh, I, er ….

Pulis: BEATTIE!?!?!

Beattie: Can I come in and sit with your team Martin please?

MON: No, and I think I can hear your manager calling you.

Beattie: Nah, I think that was just the stadium announcer testing.

Pulis: BEEEEAAAAATTIE!?!?!

MON: I’m pretty sure that’s Tony. He’s calling you, I’d get back to your dressing room.

*Beattie forces his way into the Villa dressing room pointing at a picture on the wall*

Beattie (nervously): Oh what a lovely picture, is that you Martin?

MON: As a matter of fact it is, that’s me winning the European Cup with Nottingham Forest I keep it up in the dressing room to inspire the team to be winners and remind everyone how magnificent I am.

Beattie: Wow really, was it good …. winning the final?

MON: Yes, I mean I won it almost single handedly of course, it was a great day for me.

Beattie: Score all the goals did you?

MON: Well no but ….Wait a minute what are you doing? Is this some kind of diversionary tactic?

*the door knocks, MON answers it, it’s Tony Pulis, he’s smiling politely*

Pulis: Oh, hello Martin … Have you seen ….. Ah James there you are I’ve been looking all over for you.

Beattie: Oh … Have you boss? Sorry I didn’t realise.

*Pulis puts an arm around Beattie and walks him to the door*

Pulis: He’s not been causing you any trouble has he Martin? Because if he has.

*Pulis jokingly waves his fist whilst grinning, Beattie is shaking*

MON: No, no Tony we were just having a chat.

Pulis: Ah the little scamp, come along now James we need to talk.

Beattie: OK …. Boss (gulp!)

*Pulis leads Beattie out of the door, Beattie looks over his shoulder and mouths the words ‘help me’ before the door closes. MON turns back to the lads*

MON: What a lovely lad that James is, you could all learn from his interest in football history and is there any manager who shows more concern for his players than Tony? What nice fellas this Stoke lot are.