Date: 15th January 2010 at 10:33am
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating their victory, MON however is trashing the place*

MON (throwing a chair): Cheat! Cheat!? That’s what he’s saying!

A.Young: Boss calm down, what’s up?

MON: Yellow carding my Gabriel for simulation is what is ‘up’ Ashley! That brute almost broke my poor Gabriel in half! It’s just like when those cads upended you at Arsenal!

Gabby: Stimulation?

MON: Simulation Gabriel, the referee said you cheated!

Gabby: She’s not pregnant this time though boss, honest.

MON: Pregnant? What are you talking about!?

*Gabby is called to do his interview*

Sky Sports Interviewer: Jesus, I’ve got to interview Agbonlahor, how can a man with so many syllables in his name struggle so much to string a few together?…… Oh, Gabriel Hi!

Gabby: Yes.

SSI: ‘yes’ what? I’ve not asked a question yet.

Gabby: No.

SSI: Wait, I’ve not asked you anything, why….

Gabby: The 3 points, that’s what’s important.

SSI: OK ….. Now Gabriel, you got a yellow card for simulation in that match, how worried are you that kind of tag sticks to players?

*Gabby examines the hem of his shirt, holds out the neck of it and turns in circles trying to see the back. The interviewer is confused*

SSI: …. um ….. Gabriel?

*Gabby stops and looks at the interviewer with the expression of a confused hound*

SSI: What are you doing?

Gabby: Looking for the tag.

*MON emerges from the Dressing Room*

SSI: Ah Martin! You’re always great for an interview, so what do you make of your chances of going on to the fi….

*MON grabs the boom mic*

MON: CHEAT!?!?!

SSI: Ah I see, upset about the yellow card ….. and what of the Chimbonda handball?

*MON falls silent, removes his glasses and stares at the interviewer*

….. SSI: Martin! Martin! Unhand me from this headlock at once! It’s most unprofessional and I’m beginning to lose cons….