Date: 3rd November 2008 at 2:02pm
Written by:

If the speed at which swear words exited the mouth of Newcastle United boss Joe Kinnear were an F1 Car, Lewis Hamilton wouldn`t have had such a great night with his Pussycat Doll, there`d be no need for Felippe Massa to cry into his Brahma, and Timo Glock would have been overtaken at such a rate, his Toyota, already somewhat (suspiciously?) slowÂ…would have ended up going backwards.

Mr Kinnear was only meant to be there in the very short term, whilst Mike Astley, who still believes that pint at the Emirates was non-alcoholic, tries to find a buyer for a club with 50,000+ supporters who turn up every week, deluded into thinking the Toon are a big club.

A difficult task, and perhaps if you over-state your price, you lose out. Did Randy get a bargain, or was Dougy perhaps a bit dafty when it came to signing on the dotted line?

There`s all sorts to talk about this week, Lewis Hamilton, Joey Barton, Jimmy Milner to name just an odd assortment should they go out for dinner together. Monny says he`s rotating, I think he spins us right round baby right round like a record, but then I would, I`m slightly unstable and should, potentially, be sectioned.

It`s Villa, Toon, no fog this time, preview!

Vital Quotes:

We kick off the weekday match preview with Aston Villa boss Martin O`Neill or should we say, half with him, half with some re-hashed quotes from an official site editor that must be allowing the work experience kid to have a go.

O`Neill believes it`s time for the fringe players to step up, whilst they have a fringe, as rumours are spreading that Wayne Rooney may well have continued a hairstyle trend, that our keeper Brad Friedel has been sporting for years. O`Neill told

“Now is the time for other members of the squad to come and step right up and show what they are capable of doing.

“It was obvious against Blackburn we got through on character and determination alone.

“Players will change and players will play in different positions. We will come unstuck if we can’t utilise the whole squad.”

Turning his attention to all things black and white, O`Neill believes that Newcastle, now sitting firmly on the bottom of the table following Bolton`s surprise (snigger) 2-0 victory over Arab-rich Manchester City on Sunday evening, will be back someday soon. He spoke to the OS:

‘Newcastle support their club through thick and thin. They are a fantastic club.

“The fans go and support the team and pay hard-earned money to buy a ticket and their support is fantastic.

“Newcastle will rise again, there’s no doubt about that.”

Former Newcastle United winger James Milner is relishing the chance to return to St. James Park, having previously left the Magpies, twice. Milner could have been a Villa player much sooner than the “summer” just gone having spent a season on loan as part of the deal that saw Nolberto Solano go back to the Toon. Villa tried for a permanent deal, which was withdrawn by Newcastle in August 2006. Milner also spoke to

“It will be a good game – but a tough one. They are looking to turn their season around and we have had a couple of good recent results so it should be a cracking game.
“St James Park is a fantastic place to play football. The crowd really gets behind the home team. But for an away player, the atmosphere is good too. There is a tingle on the back of your neck when you walk out there.
“Hopefully, we can come away with a win. That’s the most important thing. It will be tough. They will be up for it and we’ll be raring to go.
“I don’t know what reaction I am going to get. I hope the fans realise I enjoyed every minute and put in 100 per cent every time I went out there. But the main focus is going there and getting three points for Aston Villa.”


Turning to all things Newcastle United, edited as this is a family-based preview, boss Joe Kinnear

Kinnear, who hasn`t ruled out the Toon job on a permanent basis (some new owner, may well have something else to say about that) told the Official Newcastle website:

‘The confidence is high after the West Brom win and we’ve had a good week on the training field,’

“Aston Villa are a good side with a lot of very good, young players.” Including one of yours, thanks!

“But we’re starting to get a few of our players back and the likes of Joey Barton and Jonas Gutierrez are making a difference. When we’ve got our best players out there we can beat anyone. A win against Villa would be massive and we’ll certainly be going for the three points.”

Newcastle Magpies Team News:

Michael Owen may return for Newcastle following his recovery from yet another injury (rivalling Ledley King for crock of the year) alongside former Manchester United midfielder Nicky Butt.

Player to watch: Shay Given

If there was one player in the history of the Premier League that should have gone onto far better things; it is Shay Given. A stunning goalkeeper who has committed to Newcastle for far longer than he ever should have done, and backed up by the ever-patient Steve Harper (who isn`t that bad either!)

AVFC Claret & Blues Team News:

As mentioned previously, Martin O`Neill has hinted that he may well rotate the odd player. Usual suspects at threat, it`d be nice to see Steve Sidwell pop up for a start.

Player to watch: John Carew

Dropped once, benched twice, comes on as sub twice, influences game twice. Pride swallowing time Martin, get him back on to start.

Match Facts & Stats

In honour of F1 World Champion Lewis Hamilton:

HM Slade Prison housed “Godber” an Aston Villa supporter in the BBC Show ‘Porridge.`

More recently, a prison has housed Joey Barton, Newcastle United player, but he`s out now and so far, so good, behaving himself!

According to the BBC, if selected, Brad Friedel will be making his 163rd consecutive EPL appearance across two clubs (Villa and Blackburn.)

It is unlikely, as suggested by myself in the forum, that Friedel will have Brad Guzan sellotaped to him.

Former wanting away midfielder Gareth Barry will make it a half-century of goals if he bags one against Newcastle.

Villa can go 3rd with victory.

Newcastle upon Tyne`s most famous sons include Ant & Dec, and the most amazingly wonderful Jimmy Nail, proving that the North-East really is a hotbed of talent. Thanks must go to the town however for one Cheryl Cole, nice.

Vital Villa Matchday Weather with Jonas Gutierrez.
“The weather is a little different in Newcastle compared to Mallorca.”


Ref Watch:

Steve Bennett is the official in charge of Villa V Newcastle, Mr Bennett, who probably won`t give penalties for innocuous shirt pulls in the box, has issued 40 yellow cards and 0 reds. His last game Wolves V Coventry, 9 yellow cards!

Match Prediction:

Lawro said 1-1 draw, but what would Lawro know? Nothing, yes that`s right! 4-2 Villa

Next Fixtures:

Next up Villa get back on the road (well aeroplane) as the European Tour continues, with Slavia Prague the opposition on Thursday evening.

Thanks for reading!
I`m off to buy a go-kart, and write a letter to the remaining, single, PussyCat Dolls.