North Stand Update

There now follows a press release from Aston Villa`s North Stand.

“Having been at Aston Villa Football Club since 1976, I have seen the many highs and lows the football club have experienced over the past 35 years. So it is with a heavy heart that I can confirm that I have handed in a transfer request to the club`s management.

“With only Darren Bent left in the squad worth selling, I believe that it is right to suggest that the board of directors try to sell myself off to interested parties instead of the one decent player left at the football club.

“I also feel that by moving away from the club at this time, it will give myself longevity – I still feel I can perform at the highest level and could find myself at another Premier League ground. Alternatively, I`d make a great garden ornament.”

Aston Villa are thought to have been pleased with the North Stand`s decision, as it will reduce the club`s extensive wage bill for a couple of youth players, Darren Bent, Stilliyan Petrov and Doris the tea lady down further. The Holte End decline to comment.

The sad thing is I don`t think we`re actually too far away from this!

CustardCream.