Date: 12th October 2009 at 11:50am
Written by:

Herc with another fly on the wall account of life in the Villa dressing room!

*MON storms into his office where Stilyan Petrov and Emile Heskey are eating bowls of Sugar Puffs*

MON: What the hell is this!?

*MON slams a paper on the table in front of Heskey*

MON: You’re going to leave me? And I find out through the papers?!

Heskey: Boss I…

MON: Who do you think you are? Jude Law?

Heskey: Look boss they’ve taken it out of context….

MON: What next? Have you got a child with someone else!?

Heskey: Boss! It’s not like we’re in a relationship.

MON: What’s wrong with you players? Of course it’s a relationship, this contract *MON waves Heskey’s contract* is like a marriage between man and club.

Heskey: I think you’re being a bit ….

MON: A bit what Emile? A bit what?! Players today, in my day we would proudly wear the club’s kit like a wedding dress, parade about in it we would, got married in my full Nottingham Forest kit I did. Everyday was the best day of your life. Nowadays it’s all illegimate love-ins with the press.

Heskey: Now come on!

MON: You come on! I take you in, let you eat my Sugar Puffs. As a matter of fact give me those Sugar Puffs.

*MON snatches the bowl from Emile*

MON: They’re my Sugar Puffs, Emile. Mine!

Heskey: Now you’re just being childish boss.

MON: Childish!? Would a child do this?

*MON raises his hands to either side of his head like ears and brays like a donkey*

MON: Eyore! Eyore!

Heskey: What? What is this? Are you calling me a donkey?

MON: Yes Emile a donkey! YOU are a donkey! Now what am I?

*MON lies still on the ground, Petrov chimes in*

Petrov: Ooh, boss I don’t know, what are you?

MON: I’m Emile ‘holding up the ball’

*Petrov bursts out laughing*

Petrov: It is funny because Emile is always falling over when he is getting the ball.

Heskey: You monster!

*Heskey flees from the office using his forearm to hide his tearful eyes*