Date: 23rd November 2009 at 2:03pm
Written by:

*We join the lads on the coach home in quiet mood after rescuing a point from Turf Moor*

MON: OK lads, I knew it would be tough out there so a point’s not too bad. Emile it’s like I always say, you can be our hero baby, you can take away the pain.

*Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: I’m pretty sure that was some derivative of Enrique Inglesias’ words, and that’s not what you always say, you didn’t even say that before the match …

Carew: Yeah, you said (and I quote) Emile is less likely to score than Nick Griffin at a MOBO Awards after party.

MON: What? That doesn’t sound like me at all.

Carew: You wrote it on the tactics board, it’s still there.

*MON begins wiping the board*

MON: That’s not my writing.

Cuellar: But ye dinnae allow anyone else to wreet on ya board Captain.

MON: Enough of this, anyway, as a special treat I’ll be taking our hero Emile and poor, poor Richard Dunne to see our next opponents, Tottenham……

***At the Tottenham match, Defoe scores his fifth goal, Heskey keels over, Dunne hides behind the chair in front peeping on the odd occasion***

MON: Emile … Are you …. Alright?

Heskey: Strikers …. Scoring multiple goals …. It’s all too much to bear, it took me half a season to score one, what is the game coming to?

MON: Don’t worry lads, In my infinite wisdom I already have the tactical solution.

Dunne: It doesn’t involve Stilyan does it?

MON: Of course not.

** MON, Heskey & Dunne stand outside with children awaiting autographs, they’re wearing tights over their faces and carrying baseball bats**

MON: Now we wait til Defoe and Lennon come out and then we yell ‘sign this!’

Heskey: Boss, do we have to wear these tights I mean we’re wearing our full strips people will know its us.

Dunne: Emile’s right boss, he’s a master of disguise after all, been posing as a striker for years he has.

*MON and Dunne chuckle*

MON: Right enough joking, they’re coming out….