Written by Dave at Heroes & Villains
Hello and welcome to a special phone-in version of the popular panel game Just a Minute, brought to you from what’s left of the BBC’s studios at the Mailbox in Birmingham.
My name is Nicholas Parsons and this week we will be asking supporters of the football clubs in the West Midlands to phone in and to speak for just a minute on the subject of their favourite team without deviation, repetition or hesitation. We’ll start off with the first contestant, whose name is Mike and who is a Wolverhampton Wanderers supporter.
“Hello, I think it’s great that Wolves are so good now and it’s just like the fifties when my granddad used to go and he was always on about Billy Wright and we was the best team in the world and the seventies when my dad went and the Doog and John Richards was playing and the eighties when I started going and none of us ever missed a match and…”
Sorry, that’s deviation from the truth. You didn’t all go down then and you know it. Next we have Roger, who supports West Bromwich Albion. You have forty seconds starting now.
“I just want to say that it aye fair cos we’em the Baggies and we always play good football and
the papers am always against we and they love the Villa and it just ay fair that…”
Repetition of the word fair, there. Thirty-one seconds left for Brian who supports Birmingham City, starting from now.
Hesitation there. So we’ll move on to Robert, who is another Wolves supporter. Robert, you have twenty-six seconds staring from now.
“The Wolves am great. We’re the biggest and best club in the Midlands. We’ve got more supporters and better players than the Villa. We’ve got a better ground than the Villa.”
Repetition of the word Villa there. Next up is Bert, who’s a Birmingham supporter. Thirteen seconds left, Bert, starting now.”
Another hesitation. Moving on to Colin, who is a West Brom fan. Colin, you have twenty-nine seconds, and your time begins now.
“We play such good football down the Albion and we’em so glad that we got rid of that Pulis cos ‘e was tekkin us down and we ‘ay never bin like that with our traditions for always playin’ proper football not like the Villa. They broke Shane Long’s leg they did. Crippled him for life the Villa did.”
Sorry Colin, but again that’s repetition of the word Villa. Now Tony, who is an Aston Villa fan. Tony, you have two seconds to talk, starting now.
“It’s really quite amusing to listen…”
Well done to Tony, who was speaking when the whistle went. And on to the next round. We start off with a lady this time. Beryl, who supports Birmingham City, you have one minute to talk without deviation, hesitation or repetition, beginning now.
“Er….is it the Villa Tone?”
Sorry, that counts as deviation. We’ve got a Walsall supporter on the line now. Gary, you have fifty-six seconds and they begin now.
“Well, Walsall are such a lovely little club and everybody likes us. We could be as big as any of them if only we had a better board and they didn’t spend all their time getting the Villa reserves down here and they could spend some money on players then we would be able to get promoted and I’m sure the crowds would come flooding back to the Bescot and…”
Deviation there. There have never been crowds at the Bescot, except when the market’s on. We’ve got another Wolves supporter on the line. Andrew, you have thirty-five seconds from now.
“There’s nobody can touch the Wolves. We invented European football and the Villa go on about 1982 but if it hadn’t been for us there wouldn’t even be as Champions League so they can say what they like they owe the boys from the Molinuex everything because the Villa are…”
Repetition of the word Villa there. That means that Simon, who is an Albion supporter has got thirteen seconds to talk, starting from now.
“Everybody remembers when we beat Manchester United on Boxing Day when the Villa were doing badly and they forget that when the Villa won the league…”
Repetition of the word Villa. Which brings us to Paul, who is an Aston Villa supporter. Paul, you have one second beginning now.
Well done Paul, you were speaking when the whistle went and you’re this round’s winner. It’s time for the next round and on the line we have Mark, who supports the Albion. One minute Mark, starting now.
“The Villa go on about winning the European Cup but what they never say is how lucky they was. Bayern had the ball kicked off the line then they had a goal disallowed for offside only it wasn’t and Brian Clough was disgraceful the way he was biased and after they’d played up in the semi the Villa shouldn’t…”
Repetition of the word Villa, I’m afraid Mark. Bart, you’re a supporter of Birmingham City. You have forty-three seconds to speak, and they begin now.
“We’re the only club in Birmingham and we bear the city’s name and we’re the true working class supporters not like the Villa who are all from Staffordshire and they keep going on about the European Cup like they’re the only team that have won it well we were in Europe before the Villa…”
Repetition of the word Villa there. Steve’s a Wolves fan. Steve, you have twenty-five seconds and they start now.
“It’s great going down the Molineux now watching how well the Wolves are playing and how Nuno’s got us set up and all the top players are going to want to join the Wolves and my mate says he’s heard we’ll be signing Messi in the summer and the Villa am jealous going on about Mendes and I was told as ‘e looked at the Villa fust but…”
Repetition of the word Villa there, Steve. Barry’s a Birmingham City supporter and you have nine seconds starting now.
“Sh*t on the Villa, sh*t on the Villa ton…”
Repetition of the word Villa there. Which leaves us with Richard, an Aston Villa supporter who has just three seconds to talk. That time begins now.
“You didn’t believe it until you heard them, did you Nicholas?”
No I certainly didn’t, Richard. Congratulations on winning this round.
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