Date: 2nd September 2012 at 10:00am
Written by:

*We join the lads preparing for their match against Newcastle*

Lambert: Look lads I know some of the media have scoffed at us, thinking because they don’t know who most of you are that we don’t have a chance in the league but ….. Wait…. Who are you!?

*Holman points to himsef confused*

Holman: Me? It’s me … Brett Holman…

*Lambert’s gaze looks no less inquisitive*

Holman: You know…. Brett ‘The Hitman’ Holman I’ve already played for you….

*Lambert turns to Culverhouse who shrugs*

Lambert: Oh…. Yeah… Brian… Of course

Holman: Brett.

Lambert: Yes, that’s it …. Anyway…. Ben…

Bennet, Bent & Benteke: Yes?

Lambert:Um… Christian, now take it easy out there OK, I know the Premier League can be a steep learning curve and I expect you will struggle to start off with.

Benteke: Destroy the opposition, tear their defenders limb from limb and score many, many goals. Understood Mr.Lambert.

Lambert: That’s not what I said Christian, I said try to take it easy and find your way….

Benteke: Annihilate the competition, gorge on their despair and humiliate them with plenty of goals. No problem.

Lambert: Hmm … It seems we have a languge barrier issue here.

Benteke: Yes boss, failure is death. I understand.

Ireland: Ashley….

Westwood: Stephen, I don’t know how many times we have to go over this I’m not THAT Westwood and even if I was I don’t think I could pimp your ride any more than it is!

Ireland: Right ye are Big Dog…