Date: 3rd September 2012 at 3:24pm
Written by:

*We join the lads proud of the spirited performance for a point against Newcastle*

Lambert: Well done lads proud of all of you, Brett… Brett!! Could you stop running on the spot please …it’s quite unnerving.

Holman: Sorry boss, got lots of running in me y’know

Lambert: Yes, well I appreciate that…

Guzan: If you believe in Guzan you will be saved everytime!

Lambert: Brad great game…Stop talking to that football. Brett!!

*Holman stops mid-press-up and looks up at Lambert*

Holman: Boss?

*Lambert gestures to Holman’s empty chair*

Holman: Right… Sorry boss.

Lambert: Barry, Ciaran, great linking up for the goal and to think I was going to put you in….. the reserves.

*Bannan and Clark gulp…. Meanwhile in an unlit shack with ‘Reserves’ crudely painted on the door…..*

Hutton: So do you think they’ll ever let us out? I’m freezing and I had to eat my right boot last night.

Warnock: Meh, I’ve had worse gigs

Hutton: Blackburn?

Warnock: Definitely.

*Back at the dressing room*

Vlaar: Vlaar Vlaaaar?

Lambert: Um no Ron, you can’t keep the Newcastle starting line up. Please. Release them.

Vlaar: Vlaaaaaar!

Lambert: Yes I know you ‘owned’ them but that is figurative, a turn of phrase.

*Vlaar bows his head dejected and releases his bear hug the Newcastle team fall to the ground gasping for breath and spluttering*

Lambert: Brett!!

*Holman stops mid-sit-up*

Holman: Oh . Right. Sorry boss… So I was thinking I could run everyone home one by one, piggyback?

Lambert: ……We’ll take the coach. Thanks.