Date: 17th September 2012 at 2:53pm
Written by:

*We join the lads celebrating their 2-0 victory over Swansea*

Lambert: Well done lads especially the one’s I bought in, I’m half glad I had no takers for the rest of you.

*The ‘old guard’ look at each other nervously*

Lambert: You know when I joined and I realised Heskey had gone I sobbed in my room for a week, ‘where will I find a high profile striker who can’t score in the PL?’ I thought. Thanks Darren.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

Bent: What? I score when I want! I could score right now!

Lambert: Really? Right now? Now the match is over.

Bent: Well…

Benteke: You want more goals boss?

*Benteke boots an errant football out through the door and out of sight, seconds later there is cheering from the crowd.*

Bent: Yeah … Well ….

*Bent approaches another spare ball, a linesman promptly appears through the door a flag raised firmly in one hand and pointing at Bent with the other*

Bent: What!?…. Ah forget it!

*An alarm goes off, a robotic voice repeating ‘MeRcY, mErCy, mErCy..’*

Lambert: For the love God Brett. Get off that treadmill I’m not having you break another one this week.

Holman: Soz boss.

Lambert: Special thanks to Ron for leading this victory, none of us will soon forget that captain’s speech.

****Mind’s are cast back to Vlaar’s pre match diatribe’****

Vlaar: Vlaaaaaaaar!

*Tears stream down the eyes of all the Villa players*

N’Zogbia: ‘is words, zey are like a beautiful woman with an assault rifle

Bannan: *sniff* If I die on the pitch tonight, tell my mother I love her and that it was worth it.

*Lowton maniacally runs yelling out of the dressing room and toward the tunnel the echoes of Swansea’s screams of fear bounce back through the door.

******

*Back in the present the Villa fans breath a collective sigh of bliss*

Bent: Seriously though, when I want, I just don’t REALLY want to at the minute