Date: 28th January 2010 at 4:07pm
Written by:

*We join the lads chatting about their 0-0 draw, MON enters*

MON: Another great defensive performance lads, great clean sheet. You pair, Gabriel, Emile another outstanding clean sheet upfront.

Gabby: Thanks boss.

MON: I was being ironic.

Gabby: What, like a robot boss?

MON: Like a ro…? No that’s bionic. Ah nevermind. Look I didn’t want to do this but you’re not cutting it as forwards so I’m having to explore the only other option.

Heskey: But boss I’m not about goals, I offer a different ….

MON: Shut up with that now Emile! The time has come, we must spring for a star player.

A.Young: Awesome! Anyone in mind boss?

MON: As a matter of fact yes Ashley, I’m talking a player with european pedigree.

Downing: ooh is it Dan Nistlerooy or that Hunt-Antler fella like?!

Bouma: Van Nistlerooy and Huntelarr.

Downing: Aye tha’s what I said like, Hunt-Antler …. Who are yas anywee? Ye look like that wee fella from star wars man.

Bouma: I’m Wilfred Bouma, and I’m an expert on all things dutch, seriously ask me a question about windmills….

MON: Enough of your idle chat, I’m talking about a player capable of grabbing goals with abilities reaching the highest echelon of football.

A.Young: So we can afford such a player? Great! I was beginning to wonder….

MON: Afford him Ashley? Why a player of this experience and talent is priceless, but he shall play for Aston Villa.

*The lads now look suspiscious*

Dunne: So bass, have ya started talks with the ….

*the lads all stare in disbelief as MON unzips his tracksuit jacket and pulls down his tracksuit bottoms to reveal a full Aston Villa kit.*

Heskey: ….But boss, I don’t think….

MON: Yes and you don’t score goals! If Sol Campbell can resurrect his career at 65, so can I.

Heskey: Boss really, I’m not sure….

MON: I already have a number of goal celebrations prepared.

*MON starts doing ‘the snake’ with his arms*

MON: Ho ho, I’ve still got it, look at that.

Heskey: But you’re not even a striker.

*MON stares at Heskey his eyebrows raised high above his glasses, Heskey lowers his head*