*We join the lads chatting about their 0-0 draw, MON enters*
MON: Another great defensive performance lads, great clean sheet. You pair, Gabriel, Emile another outstanding clean sheet upfront.
Gabby: Thanks boss.
MON: I was being ironic.
Gabby: What, like a robot boss?
MON: Like a ro…? No that’s bionic. Ah nevermind. Look I didn’t want to do this but you’re not cutting it as forwards so I’m having to explore the only other option.
Heskey: But boss I’m not about goals, I offer a different ….
MON: Shut up with that now Emile! The time has come, we must spring for a star player.
A.Young: Awesome! Anyone in mind boss?
MON: As a matter of fact yes Ashley, I’m talking a player with european pedigree.
Downing: ooh is it Dan Nistlerooy or that Hunt-Antler fella like?!
Bouma: Van Nistlerooy and Huntelarr.
Downing: Aye tha’s what I said like, Hunt-Antler …. Who are yas anywee? Ye look like that wee fella from star wars man.
Bouma: I’m Wilfred Bouma, and I’m an expert on all things dutch, seriously ask me a question about windmills….
MON: Enough of your idle chat, I’m talking about a player capable of grabbing goals with abilities reaching the highest echelon of football.
A.Young: So we can afford such a player? Great! I was beginning to wonder….
MON: Afford him Ashley? Why a player of this experience and talent is priceless, but he shall play for Aston Villa.
*The lads now look suspiscious*
Dunne: So bass, have ya started talks with the ….
*the lads all stare in disbelief as MON unzips his tracksuit jacket and pulls down his tracksuit bottoms to reveal a full Aston Villa kit.*
Heskey: ….But boss, I don’t think….
MON: Yes and you don’t score goals! If Sol Campbell can resurrect his career at 65, so can I.
Heskey: Boss really, I’m not sure….
MON: I already have a number of goal celebrations prepared.
*MON starts doing ‘the snake’ with his arms*
MON: Ho ho, I’ve still got it, look at that.
Heskey: But you’re not even a striker.
*MON stares at Heskey his eyebrows raised high above his glasses, Heskey lowers his head*
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