(Spoof) Benteke Submits Transfer Request To Spurs

**Breaking News** Christian Benteke puts in a transfer request to Spurs for next summer.

Reports are(n`t) suggesting that Villa striker Christian Benteke has submitted a transfer request to Tottenham for next summer.

Benteke has submitted a transfer request to Tottenham demanding to exit next. The 22-year-old signed from Genk for £7m last summer and went on to score 23 goals in all competitions.

Tottenham, who have yet to sign the Belgian striker are reluctant to let the striker sought after by them go without a fight if they get him.

‘He will remain a Tottenham player once we sign him,’ the club said in a statement.

‘He will be reminded that there will hopefully be three years remaining on his contract, we will consider him to be a Tottenham player and expect that he will be with us for the 2014-15 season.’

Manager AVB said he was ‘hugely disappointed’ at the Belgium international’s transfer request.

AVB said: ‘It’s important that people appreciate we are trying to build something strong and vibrant here at the club, something this club demands and stands for, and we want Christian to be part of that if we can sign him.’

Benteke might end the season as the fourth-highest Premier League scorer in 2013-14, and his goals might be crucial in helping Tottenham achieve a top four spot.

Benteke is also believed to have requested a transfer of his broadband from Sky to BT and his gas provider from British Gas to EDF.

This might not be entirely true. In fact, one could say it isn`t true at all, mainly because it isn`t. That doesn`t stop the press reports from telling us the ‘facts` though, so why should it stop us!!

Benteke thread: Click Here

And another spoof, by BarosBarryBouma: Click Here (Contains adult language)

Lerner: So! Name your best price.

Levy: For a 22 year old Belgian?

Lerner: For 6’3′ of finest quality Belgian Grade A.

Levy: Yeah, but he’s only been around one season, hasn’t he? Difficult to keep hold of. If I get the scouts from Arsenal or Man United in here sniffing around. Uhmmm… Best price: £15 million.

Lerner: [to his team] Gentlemen, put the contract back in the briefcase and prepare to leave.

Levy: Whoa, whoa! Hold on. Hold on. One minute, Cuddles. £18 million? £18 million.

Lerner: Seeing as I’m feeling particularly generous today, I’ll settle for £25 million.

Levy: £25 million? Okay, you’re having a laugh. Are you thinking dollars, maybe? Need some help with the exchange rates?

Lerner: You’re being very rude.

Levy: Not any more.

Lerner: £25 million.

Levy: £20 million.

Lerner: £25 million.

Levy: That’s not negotiation! I’m changing my number! £22 million.

Lerner: Did I hear £25 million?

Levy: From you, you did. Yeah.

Lerner: You said £25 million.

Levy: If I did, you’re a ventriloquist. Okay, £23 million. Final offer.

Lerner: £23 million it is.

[they shake hands to seal the deal]

Lerner: So, with add-ons for appearances, goal scored, international caps and a sell-on clause, that’s… let’s see… £25 million.

Levy [resignedly]: Brilliant. Send him to Enfield with the rest of the expensive under achievers.