Date: 10th August 2011 at 9:34am
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Vital Villa Summer 2011 Interviews: Steff the Villan

Vital Villa Summer 2011 Interviews: Steff the Villan

How do you do one I hear you cry? Click here and find out! YOUR TURN: The Vital Villa Interviews..

1) When did you become a Villa fan and why?

The scene, just before Christmas 1962, AVFC changing rooms, Vic Crowe, Alan Deakin, Nigel Simms, Ron Wylie, Charlie Aitken, Lew Chatterley, Phill Woosnam, Tony Hateley and Dave Pountney were all having a “gentleman`s” competition, Aitken won with the longest “shot” claiming his bottle of Johnny Walker.

They left the changing room as the cleaners entered, one of those cleaners was my mother, who managed to slip on the dribble from Mr Chatterley and landed in the splits right on top of a pile of what can only be described as a “team effort” much to my virgin mothers` surprise she found herself pregnant.

In August of the following year the product of an immaculate conception was presented to the world, it was thought at first that this child could indeed be the messiah reborn, unfortunately it turned out that I was not the messiah, I was just a very naughty boy.

Due to the rampant lion birthmark on my arse and my obvious claret and blue blood, there was simply no option, I was a Villan, and there was much rejoicing.

2) Alex McLeish? Your opinion please?

A shock! And I truly believe a masterstroke, a hardnosed Scot at the helm, not only a hardnosed Scot, but one with absolutely huge danglies, the man must need a wheelbarrow! I like that grit and determination, I like a man who will step forward even though the shells are bursting all around him, he knows what he is taking on, he knows the job ahead and he is obviously confident of doing it, he also knows what a honour it is to be in charge of such a great club with a strong Scottish background and it shows.

3) Best and worst moments of last season?


The purchase of Bent, the youth getting chances, the win away at Le Arse and the final home match win against the murdering red scouse, they`re going up, they`re going down, what a final day, never known one like it.


MON screwing us 5 days before kick off (I backed him to the hilt) Barcodes loss, Dingles loss, Noses loss, Noses Cup win, The white flag at Man City was just a disgrace, watching a dedicated football man losing his health, have a good life Hou.

4) Your opinion of Randy Lerner?

I am a man who has had many dealings with our friends from across the pond, and had never met one I liked, so when he purchased our club, I was very wary, but the man has won me over, a confirmed anglophile, a man with a love of history and tradition like myself, which suits us fine as a club with much history and tradition, the only downside I see to the man is that he is not wealthy enough, would I swap him for a sheik? No, I believe wholeheartedly that he has the best interests of the club at heart, he might very well be in need of other advisors regarding football matters, but I agree with the Eck appointment so we`ll see.

5) Which player/s should Villa sign this summer?

Very happy with Given and the Zog, Parker would be a good shout, a free agent or two (Der Hammer Eck, you know it makes sense) apart from which, I usually stay out of such comments, because my wish list would differ greatly to the clubs : )

6) (changed question!) Stewart Downing, now he has gone, were Villa right to get shot of him or should they have kept him against his wishes?

£20 mill for Downing! Laughing all the way to the bank, makes a nice change to rob the scousers Ay ay ay ay ay calm down.

I want to repay Villa for the faith and the support (plus huge paycheque) they have shown me, over the last season, I`ll repay that with a transfer request and two fingers up to the fans, f you Downing!

7) Favourite current player?

Benty for helping us stay up, Petrov for his continued commitment and love of the shirt, but top spot goes to our Gabby, massively underappreciated by our own fans (which I don`t understand)

‘Villa is where I belong and if all goes according to plan I will be here for the rest of my career.
‘I’ve been here since I was 13 and there’s no reason for me to go anywhere else.

‘There are players all over the world, like Steven Gerrard who you can’t see playing for another club and it’s exactly the same with me.
‘I can remember thinking it would be great to get into the Villa youth team, and then how I’d feel when I got into the first team.’

That`s the type of player I want, that`s the love for the club that our players should have.

8) Favourite all time player/s?

The team that lifted THAT Cup, every one of them, from the first team down to the bench, the manager (and the great RON), the physio, Doris the tea lady, they all had a hand in the team coming away with a fantastic victory that night. A special mention for one player from that wonderful day, Nigel Spink, ten mins in and Rimmer had to come off, what an occasion to make your debut, thousands of Villans said a prayer, and it was answered, sublime, what more can I say.
Special mention goes to Tayles, what a guy! Bossie, Rambo, Gray, the magnificent Dean Saunders (who assured me years after leaving Villa, that he is still a fan) he who walks on water Sir Brian of Little, the incomparable GOD, he who came closest Martin Laursen, Ollie the bearded one, Savo and Angel, Dalian and Dwight, the magic Merse, Damn! We`ve had some mighty fine players

9) What do you expect us to do/finish this season?

Premier – Win
FA Cup – Win
Carling – Win

Why not! Someone has to win, If you enter a fight expecting to lose, you`ve already lost, football is a funny old game, you never know what`s around the corner, injuries to key players at certain times, a bout of flu running through a dressing room, nothing is a foregone conclusion, if the noses can beat Le Arse at Wembley to lift a Cup, ANYTHING must be possible!

10) You can ask yourself any question you want to about Villa and what is your answer?

Aston Villa, once upon a time the most decorated and well known club in the world (yes we were) will we ever get back to anywhere near that level of achievement?

Yes! And the Big Eck is the first step in total global domination mwah mwah mwah!

11) Right, lets lower the tone… which celebrity would you most like to bang and which (male I would think) celeb would you most like to thump!?!

Bang, how crass, I would like to make love to Jessica Alba, she learnt well last time, and I would break my one go on Steff per female rule for her.

Thump, a long list of politicians and a holes who are ruining our once great nation, but they do not qualify for celebdom, so it`s a hard one (as Alba found out) I don`t really let people get to me to that extent, although I must admit, Piers Morgan, Jeremy Kyle and the like deserve a slap, but I would feel too dirty after touching them.

Eureka! I`ve found one, Liam Gallagher, I would enjoy remodelling his face

And that’s the verdict of the North Wales Jury


Other interviews:

V111A DR
Draig Cymraeg
Plastic Villain
Blackcountry Villa
Stephen Jay Hawkings
Virginia Villan
Jon Law
Mr Saxon
Villa Verde
Chelt Villan
beduff villan
Young Jonah
1958 villain
Mike Field
Steve Todd
Ross Mackiewicz
The Fear
Green Villan
A Dad and Two Boys
Villan of the North
Holte ender 1969
Amsterdam Villa
Dead Souls
Astonian Villan
SE5 Villain
Football is Life
Matt Turvey

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3 Replies to “Vital Villa 2011 Interviews: Steff the Villan”

  • like it steff, especially the win, win, win… I did the same in a FHM season preview… but they cut it out! lol

  • Nice one Steff, a brilliant read. Have always admired your optimism mate, keep up the good work!

  • Thank you YJ & Fear appreciated chaps, but on the “bang” front, I must say I’ve taken quite a shine to a young lady called Autumn Reeser, quite a stunning young lady : )

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